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Stories from a man who fails to meet media expectations of what it means to be gay:
white, frivolous, over sexed yet sexless, shrill, single, stylish, a clown, unimportant, et al.
Sat 09/21/2002
The game of me,
a birthday entry
I promised you all a game for when I turned the ripe �old� age of 35, and here it is. A variant of the 100 things /truths and a lie list, here�s my 35 truths and lie.
First person to figure out which statement is lie gets a prize.
I�ve no idea what exactly, but assuming a wish list, or something, you�ll be the proud recipient of some little cheap present to celebrate my entry into gay geriatrics.
So have at it:
1)As a child, my voice was good enough that I sang with a choir, as an adult, an asthmatic frog with throat cancer would sound better
2)I've seen things which do not exist. Boo.
3)Once at a gay beach, two skinny, white, twink boys ran up to me, called me fat and ugly, then ran away laughing.
4)I've had phone sex once. I was in California, he was in Rarotonga.
5)I was 20 the first time I ate corned beef hash.
6)I've done drag once in my life.
7)I do not own a suit.
8)The first time I woke up from surgery, I could not remember how to speak English.
9)I was nearly run over by a car during a Queer rights march.
10)I do not know how to nap properly.
11)I�ve only been on one grunion run.
12)After seeing me dance for the first time, one of John's college buddies told him that he was a very lucky man.
13)Halfway through an introduction to basic drawing class, I was offered a space in a performance art workshop/course.
14)My feet have essentially permanent sport sandal tan lines.
15)The closest I've ever come to a threesome was making out with a guy on one end of a couch, while three guys were �busy� with each other on the other end.
16)At a gay bar, a man leaned over me, ignoring me as he tried to pick up the woman I was hanging out with.
17) I once watched a B&D porn video with a certain lesbian friend of mine.
18) My husband is a vegetarian but I still eat dead flesh.
19)I am always surprised when I find out someone finds me attractive.
20)Only once, have I ever been with a guy who had a higher sex drive than I did.
21) I really want to taste white pepper ice cream.
22)I�ve never been high.
23)I�ve never been drunk.
24)I haven�t worn a wristwatch in nearly two years.
25)To my horror, I�m starting to like beets.
26)Unlike many people I know, I'm not afraid of speaking in public.
27)According a woman I met last year, I am an Angel pretending to be human.
28)I was/am convinced that if I did not die when when I was 32, I would die when I was 80.
29)It always confuses me for a moment, when gay guys call me �girl.�
30)A man once tried to pick me up at a BDalton�s when he noticed I was looking at a photo book of male Australian lifeguards.
31)A woman once accused me of being a self hating Mexican because I don�t like menudo.
32)I�ve never had a girlfriend.
33)When I was a very young kid, I would have conversations with the crows that lived in my Tia's walnut tree.
34)If I�m tired or not paying attention, I�ll sometimes slip into Spanglish.
35)To my knowledge, I have had one secret admirer.
36)I read comic books.
more later,
nico
Music:
bronski beat
Want:
To have Ty do a sexy happy birthday dance for me. Failing that, some mango ice cream.
Elsewhere:
the two guys I would put down as my sites �parents� if I ever did that blogtree thing.
<<the secret of::::36 explanations>>