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Stories from a man who fails to meet media expectations of what it means to be gay:
white, frivolous, over sexed yet sexless, shrill, single, stylish, a clown, unimportant, et al.
Thr 01/02/2003
Five gay male couples*
Tom and Harry:
Tom and Harry have been together for ten years. They are an outgoing, fun couple. The kind of folks who are just as likely to head off for a clothing optional weekend in Palm Springs as they are to offer their home for a fundraiser.
Tom has a job that has something to do with money, which I have never understood, but which has allowed him to essentially retire. Harry is happy that he only has a few years left to go before before he can retire as well. They are looking forward to the extra time they will have together. They love being together.
They joke about the retirement situation because Tom is twenty years younger than Harry. The age difference has never been a problem, although they are both aware that the nature of their relationship may change should Harry�s health decline as he gets older. But that is hopefully a ways a way.
Harry is a perfect example of the stupidity of the youth obsessed idea that once a gay man reaches 30 he becomes old and undesirable. Judging from all the lust filled looks Harry routinely gets from both men and women, no one particularly cares that he is 60, and way, way over his supposed expiration date.
Adam and the Not So Good Boyfriend (TNSGB):
Adam and TNSGB are friends of friends of mine. Whenever I hear something about them, they have either broken up for the absolute last time, or they are back together again and are working through their issues. This has been going on for nearly five years now. Five years of splitting up. Five years of making up. Five years of major gay boy drama.
TNSGB is a rather good looking, eternally 29 year old, HIV positive, man of color. I wish I could say that he is a nice person, but I think that charming may be a better description.
Adam is fairly successful, very handsome, HIV negative, white man in his early forties. Looking at him, it would never occur to you that he has huge self esteem issues. I am not positive, but I suspect that this lack of self worth and poor body image may explain his relationship with TNSGB.
This past year, TNSGB promised Adam to quit using drugs. He also promised to stop doing porn. This past year, TNSGB had a run in with the law for possession of certain substances. He did not do any more porn shoots, or at least he wasn�t caught doing any more porn shoots. He did however, hire himself out as an escort. Adam found out about this new career after overhearing some catty remarks aimed in his direction at a bar.
The rent boy thing was enough for them to break up. Well, for the summer at least. Adam eventually forgave the boy.
I know of at least two men who are waiting for Adam to come to his senses and give up on TNSGB, but who knows if that will ever happen. Last I heard, they had broken up again. No one is assuming that it will last.
Bill and Tony:
Bill and Tony are big time party boys. If there's a party happening and it�s liqoured, they are so there, or at least they were so there. They were successful, they were happy, they were that really cute couple everyone loved to hate, but secretly wanted to be. No longer though. Bill and Tony split up this past summer.
Bill owned his own business and Tony was both the manager and the major investor. When it came down to it, without Tony there was no business since all the money was his. Some people thought this maybe wasn�t a wise thing, mixing business with pleasure, as it were. Other people thought that this financial dependence was the pretty much the same thing as a straight marriage, and would ensure that they would never break up. Tony had too much invested in their relationship, and Bill would be an idiot to lose Tony.
Bill was on a business trip when he decided what the hey, why not have an affair with that cute guy. He also decided that he was going to tell Tony that while "they" (the couple) were over, perhaps "they"(the business) could stay together?
The business still exists, but in a much smaller form since Tony has almost nothing to do with it anymore. It was a huge set back for both of them, but they seem to have moved on. Bill now has new lover, Ted, who I have met a couple of times, but have never spoken to, because each time he was too busy downing a longneck. Tony is single, but is working on changing that.
Bill, Tony, and Ted are big time party boys. All three tend to end up at the same parties, but it's not the same any more.
Pablo#1 and Pablo#2:
I met the two Pablos once at a party a few years ago. Pablo#1 was a 33 year old, tall, HIV positive, Mexican-American man, while Pablo#2 was a 19 year old, HIV negative, Mexican resident alien who spoke very little English.
When asked how long they had been dating, Pablo#1 looked at me a bit sheepishly, and said three years. It took me a moment to do the math and realize that the two Pablos did not exactly have the most socially acceptable of relationships.
I talked to them for a while, which made me realize that perhaps the older Pablo wasn�t joking/making excuses when he said that he was the more immature of the two. I found the age thing troublesome, but didn�t say anything about it. I also didn�t comment when they related how they once had a huge fight which ended with the younger Pablo�s mother telling her 17 year old son to not only give his boyfriend another chance, but to move in with him as well. I didn�t know what to say to that story.
Pablo#1 had been severely ill a couple of times before the �cocktail.� Because of this, he has worried about what would happen if he ever got sick again. He wasn�t worried that Pablo#2 couldn�t deal with illness, but he was concerned that it would be unfair to put him in that situation.
Despite whatever worries they had about their relationship, they did seem to love each other. I tried to accept this at face value.
Terrence and Mikey:
Terrence and Mikey are in their early thirties and have been together for roughly six years. Mikey likes to tell how his straight coworkers stopped asking whether he was the boy or the girl in the relationship once they finally met Terrence.
Terrence is huge, tattooed, bear of a man, prone to wearing torn levis and tight leather pride t-shirts. Mikey looks vaguely like the fey elf from that old rudolph the red nosed reindeer cartoon.
They jokingly refer to each other as husband and wife, with Mikey cast as the wife. After all, Mikey�s idea of fun is to take Thai cooking class, while Terrence�s idea of fun is to eat whatever Mikey makes. Then again, Mikey is a nurse, and has no fear of blood, disease, odd body secretions, or outie belly buttons. All things which freak Terrence out.
Mikey�s favorite way to tease Terrence in public is to tell a long, involved story about their �entertaining� some guy they once picked up at the Falcon. The night did not go as planned since the trick ended up having an outie navel. Terrence spent a lot of time with his eyes closed or something.
Terrence usually responds to the story by explaining in graphic detail just how great f*cking Mikey�s ass is. This invariably leads to the two of them making out and whispering sweet nothings to each other.
More later,
nico
*Of the five couples, three really are gay male couples, with certain altered details to protect the innocent. One is a real dyke couple, where I have changed the genders, and one of the couples is fictional.
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