Stories from a man who fails to meet media expectations of what it means to be gay:
white, frivolous, over sexed yet sexless, shrill, single, stylish, a clown, unimportant, et al.

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A new year, dropped pants, and upcoming drama

It's a new year and to borrow a bit from Drew, I am feeling ambivalent. For me, this has entailed vague angst, vague depression, vague annoyance, and vague crankiness. Maybe it's from unresolved fears concerning my upcoming surgery, or maybe my brain chemistry is simply out of whack from all the sugary holiday treats I have been indulging in lately. Whatever the problem is, I need to get over it. I have gone beyond annoying John, I'm annoying myself now. Again, I need to get over it.

I forgot to mention in the last entry that John, Kristen, Alex and I saw Aida. It was an interesting show. I'm just not sure that it was a good show. The others seemed to enjoy it, so it was probably just me.

It was the first time that I have seen Alex since he and Omar split up, which is why Kristen had the fourth ticket. We made a point of NOT talking about Omar. We made a point of NOT talking about how Omar is some sort of trouble because law officers found a couple of ounces of something that will get you into trouble with the law if they found it in your possession. We made a point of not talking about how Alex feels about this.

John and Alex spent a lot of time talking about work.

That was a couple of weeks ago. Not to much has happened this week. One thing is that I had the presurgery appointment with my doctor and the anesthesiologist friday. If everything works out, I'll have the surgery to remove the nodes on my vocal cords on the fourth. Despite what I wrote in the first paragraph, I'm not worried. I've gone through the same process two years ago and while I'm not exactly used to surgery, at least I know what to expect.

John is saying that I am going to have easy, since I will be unconscious for most of the day. On the other hand, he will be in the waiting area with my parents and possibly his folks as well. Normally this would not be a problem, except that lately my parents have backtracking about me being gay and with John.

While not thrilled by it all, they have at least been civil and quiet about the subject. They haven't been as quiet lately. I've gotten into a couple of arguments with my mother about her wish for me to do the "right thing." The "right thing," being to leave John, move back in with my parents and find a girlfriend. The arguments have been annoying, because this is all territory that we covered well over a decade ago. Unfortunately, my folks seem to have forgotten this. I'm going to have a long talk with my parents to make sure things go smoothly this friday.

Except for the potential for tension, everything else should be simple. I'll be in and out of the hospital the same day and I am going to take the next week off from work. Not because it will take that long to recover, but because I won't be allowed to speak for a week. It would impossible NOT to talk if I went to work, heck, the way things have been going, it would be impossible for me not to yell. I'll be better of at home.

On a different subject, John's ninos had their annual holiday party. His "ninos" being the term I use for a group of friends who used to work for John back when they started college. They are now in their mid twenties, so I should stop calling them kids one of these days.

They get together every year and have a gift exchange. They also play different versions of a rowdy party game. A "what will it take to embarrass so and so" kind of game. A game that doesn't entirely work, because a couple of them are not embarrassed by anything.

As an example of this, Arturro offered to give everybody a flash of his ass for a game prize. People weren't interested, not because his butt wasn't worth looking at, but because in this crowd of straight, gay, & bi men and women, only three people had never seen it before. One being myself, the other two being people Arturro had never met before.

This is the first time that I ever took part in their reindeer games. I am so used to John being fairly calm and sedate, it always surprises me when he shows his wild side. I think it surprises other people as well. Most of our friends and aquantences still don't realize that I'm the stuffy repressed one in this relationship.

Probably more than anyone needs to know. The party was amusing and was the cause for a late night. The other late night this week was New Years Eve of course. We didn't do anything other than eat dinner at home and watch Some like it Hot. I first saw it on tv years and years ago. I had forgotten that Marilyn Monroe's outfits were very daring and that a lot of the dialogue was fairly racy.

It was a calm way to bring in the new year. We'll see if the rest of the year remains so.



More later,

nico



Music:
One of the cds I burned for John�s & my tenth anniversary party. This one has Etta James, Annie Lennox, Cesaria Evora, and Michelle Shocked among others.

Want:
Not sure

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