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Stories from a man who fails to meet media expectations of what it means to be gay:
white, frivolous, over sexed yet sexless, shrill, single, stylish, a clown, unimportant, et al.
Tue 03/19/2002
Gay, destitute, millionare teens get their hair cut for free
The movie filled with a bunch of dull, white, gay guys that I�m not writing about:
Have I mentioned before that a certain husband of mine goes a bit crazy in his amazon purchases and that we are not so slowly building up a fairly large queer flicks section in our dvd collection? Have I mentioned that some of �em just aren�t that good?
The worst yet being the last one I watched, or rather, the last one I fast forwarded through. It wasn�t monumental in it�s badness (say in the league of Even Cowgirls get the Blues), but it definitely was proof that just because someone has the money to film a movie doesn�t mean that they should actually try to make one.
I don�t mind low budget, independent films. They can be more interesting than mainstream flicks. Heck, even if the film is dull, sometimes listening to the director/writer moan and complain about the lack of budget on alternate audio tracks can be fun. Somewhere in the house, we have a movie where the director talks at length about how his neighbors hate him because he did a lot of filming in his house.
This latest flick/dvd didn�t have any directors comments. It didn�t even have any chapter stops (a sign of a very low budget). I won�t bother to waste anymore time mentioning the movie other to say that it was pretty bad.
Although, If I were writing more about it, I would have to mention that part of the problem was that the director/writer did not seem to have a very clear idea of what kind of movie he wanted to make. Was it supposed to be:
A gay romance? (Barely legal aged teen boy finds love and happiness with an older, lawyer boyfriend)
A �hard life on the street� teen survival flick? (Street strateges mixed in with a discussion about how to get into college advise? huh?)
Gay soft porn? (Essentially the same sex scene repeated over and over again, but with different actors)
A fantasy film? (A fourtyish, openly gay senator is elected governor of a certain state and moves into the gubernatorial mansion with his 19(?) year old lover???????)
I have no idea.
Tv�orama:
John and I got direct tv last week, so I can no longer say that I don�t have cable. Well, I still don�t, but same difference. I doubt that it would be shocking to reveal that I have been watching far too much television. I doubt it would be shocking to reveal that my viewing habits scream out: Gay, GAY, GAY!!!!!
Which is to say that if it involved home/remodeling/gardening/food/decorating/anything remotely stereotypical, I was watching it. The only thing I wasn�t doing was watching the ever present reruns of Golden Girls and Designing women on lifetime.
(Well, actually I�ve also been watching assorted science documentaries, cartoons, and funky British sitcoms, but I just wanted an excuse to write: GAY GAY GAY!!!!)
If a cat wanders into frame and starts to clean itself, ignore it:
While the acting wasn�t the greatest in the not really good movie I�m not mentioning, it would have better if the folks in charge had believed in retakes. There were several scenes where things went wrong: flubbed lines, reflections of production staff in windows, and the like. Things that would normally would have been edited out.
Then again, maybe the scene with people trapped in the background not knowing if they should stay or get out of the way was the best shot available.
Medical miracles:
Since we now have the direct tv, Johnny and I have been able to watch first run episodes of shows like Queer as Folk. I still haven�t finished watching the first season, so I�ve been watching them out of order. Which not that much of a problem, since I sort of know what happened from the assorted online diaries, blogs, etc. that I follow.
I also know that the general consensus (online at least) is that the second season has sucked so far. More so, some folks out there are sick and tired of the show.
It�s all still fairly new to me, so I haven�t reached that point yet. But, I have been bothered by one of the recent episodes. Not by the poor writing, or by the cranky attitudes towards nonparty boys, but rather by a specific, teeny, little detail in the �Ted takes viagra� rerun I saw last week.
Assuming I�m remembering my human physiology correctly, if a man really did have an erection for that long, he would have suffered permanent physical damage to his penis, including possible necrosis to most if not all of the penile tissues.
Granted, it is fiction, and the �haha he can�t get it down� story was fairly dull, and I do tend to over think things, but I do believe that the aim of the writers was to have me laugh instead of obsesing about how in real life Ted should have been hospitalized and would likely never have another erection again.
One of us failed in their task.
The high cost of living:
Another problem with the movie was with some of the sets. Not that the set designer did a bad job per say, but I guess that it�s not a good idea to have one of your characters be a multimillionaire if can�t actually afford to make his home like one.
I don�t happen to know any super rich people, but I doubt that they decorate with kmarty plastic lawn furniture.
Eating chicken stuffed waterbugs for fame and fortune:
TomP had a house warming party Saturday (03/16/02), so I made the trek out to Burbank to give him the traditional gift of plant. Actually, since I couldn�t remember if he had a green thumb or not, he got the gift of a blue fecsue in a pot. I figured it would be hard to kill grass.
Last time I wrote about a TomP party, I got an entry that shows up every time someone does a google search for kitschy 60�s british science fiction puppet shows. The conversation for this latest party was equally eclectic, covering everything from minimalist landscaping to the benefits of having a stripper pole in your bedroom, and from mortgage tips to eating insects on Survivor contestant tryout videos.
One thing for his parties, they are never dull.
Money scenes:
I�m thinking that the producer of the bad flick I watched made some odd concessions to various financiers. There were a few scenes that where out of place and did absolutely nothing to move the plot/story along. Somebody had to have been saying give me mullah and I�ll put you in my movie.
Why else would there be a scene where someone gets a haircut?
He gets a haircut and that�s all that happens. ALL THAT HAPENS. A haircut. Nothing else, just a haircut. His hair gets cut. No real dialogue, just a hair cut. A haircut. AND NOTHING ELSE.
Why do only the Villains have generic Hispanic accents?:
I saw Ice Age with Kristen last Sunday (03/17/02). It was a cute little flick, a bit melodramatic, and kind of a guy flick. Well, it wasn�t really a guy flick because of story, rather, it was because there weren�t any major female characters. It was pretty much just all guy prehistoric animals and some cranky looking men running around on the ice.
Even with the lack of women, I guess I liked it, although I still haven�t decided if I should have been bothered by the fact a gay male couple gets bashed, but not necessarily because they were gay. It�s an odd scene made stranger by the fact that it involves a morose, straight male mammoth and somewhat stereotypical femmy, yet butch gay rhinos.
Hmm, I�d hate to see what google makes of that sentence.
Remember to keep your leg up so we don�t actually see �IT�:
Say that your much, much younger boyfriend was gang raped in juvie hall two years ago and he quite reasonably has issues with intimacy and sex. Are you really going to immediately f*ck him the first time that the two of you make love?
Isn�t there anything else you could have done? Or would that have been too much trouble for the writer, since they apparently used the same script for each of the sex scenes in the flick I am obviously spending too much time thinking about. I�m not sure why this bothered me, but it did.
I fast forwarded through the scene, so maybe there was some dialogue that explained away the psychological trauma, or maybe I�m just missing the dramatic impact of ending your movie with soft porn �filmed so that you don�t quite see it all� anal intercourse.
Whatever.
more later,
nico
Music:
Assorted Aretha Franklin
Want:
A mango so ripe that the juice will flow over my chin, and maybe a certain husband of mine to lick it all off �-)
Elsewhere:
dorcus he-skirts?