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Stories from a man who fails to meet media expectations of what it means to be gay:
white, frivolous, over sexed yet sexless, shrill, single, stylish, a clown, unimportant, et al.
Sat 09/07/2002
Heterosexual hair and other horrors
When I put up the stories/numbers entry (ie: �the racism entry�), this site was dropped from a couple of link lists/pages and added onto a couple of new ones.
When I put up the two annoying gay fluff rant entries (which I guess had a brief mention of race as well), the site was added on to a new link list/page, and dropped from another.
I suspect there�s a comment hiding there somewhere, but I�m going to ignore it and just chalk up the changes as being due to a natural evolution in linky love.
Regardless of reasons, to all the folks who have linked to the site, many thanks. To all you folks out there reading this period, gracias tambien.
As for this entry, no rant, no race, no vaguely pithy comments, just catch up of various cosas that I have been meaning to write about, but haven�t gotten around to yet, because I have been far too crabby and complainy of late.
The cosas:
brainless monsters:
I have mentioned in past entries that I bought most but not all of the first series muppet action figures. John decided that we really needed to have the other figures. So we now own the feather boa wearing variant Miss Piggy, the tuxedoed variant Kermit, and even the muppet labs set with Beaker.
John�s talking about getting some of the second series figures when they are released. I think I may have, no, I HAVE created a toy collecting fiend. oh well.
The way the toys have been constructed is interesting. Invisible fozzy has a magnet in his invisible hat to hold it onto his invisible head (very cool). Dr. Teeth�s hat is held on by the odd shape of his head and hair (fairly functional). Tuxedo Kermit has a hole in his head for his hat to screw into (????).
This prompted John to exclaim: �Oh my God, Kermit's been pithed!�
Poor kermit...
the first mention of Gay Weddings:
John and I watched the gay weddings documentary/miniseries on Bravo this week. During an exceptionally sappy sweet/romantic moment in the program, I turned to John and asked him when was the last time that we had done anything romantic. He answered that we were doing something romantic right now.
We were lying on opposite ends of the couch watching television with the cats plopped about us, which prompted my asking "This is romantic?"
He smiled a certain fake smile that he knows aggravates me and answered yes. My husband is a goon. Then again, his husband has a tendency to ask loaded questions, so I guess it all evens out in the end.
mayhem as a good choice of adjective :
A few weeks ago John and I where honorary lesbians at a pool party filled with assorted physical therapists, teachers, musicians, coaches, grad students, nonprofit folks, accountants, retail folks, and one lone engineer.
Which means that we were at Carm and Rickie�s annual pool party. Rickie is the woman I occasionally mention who was in a car accident and by all rights should not be able to walk. But walk she can.
I found out that after over a year of explaining the accident over and over again, Rickie has taken to telling people that the scars and tears on her legs are from a shark attack. Much more interesting than reality.
The party was fun. The food was good. Carm�s homemade salsa was amazing.
We left the party before the traditional basketball mayhem. Mayhem, since all the players have usually been downing coronas and mike�s hard lemonade all afternoon.
the short bit where I don�t repeat the peckish vagina joke:
We saw Margaret Cho at the Irving Improv with some friends a couple of weeks back. She was very funny. Very hilarious. Very foul mouthed. In other words exactly what I expected.
the second mention of Gay Weddings:
I guess I had weddings on my mind after seeing the documentary. The other night I dreamed that John and I were getting married. We were standing in a hallway, both dressed in tuxes and both very nervous. Johnny looked so handsome, I could barely look at him without breaking into a silly grin. We were waiting for our cue to enter into the main hall and to walk down the aisle to whoever it was that was going to do the ceremony. A man announced "We now present the grooms."
John and I took each others hands, started to walk, then I woke up.
I did not wake up from the dream because it scared me, but rather, I was woken by the sound of the vacuum cleaner. John was upstairs vacuuming ants off of the living room floor.
I find his actions and timing suspicious.
Yes, I know that�s irrational.
hetero hair:
I�ve mentioned in past entries that my hair is now relatively long.
I�ve mentioned in past entries that women have been checking me out a lot lately.
I�ve mentioned in past entries that no men are looking at me.
I now believe that these facts are related. Ladies and Gentlemen, I fear I have heterosexual hair.
It would seem that wavy, wild, barely controllable, shoulder length hair is a major attractant to women. Doesn�t matter if they are straight or not. At the lesbian pool party I was repeatedly told that my hair was really cute.
My hair is attracting straight women, sporty dykes, party gals, and girly girls.
My hair is yelling out: �Yo baby girl, check me out!�
I think I need a hair cut.
speeding:
The tent where volunteers for the city of South Pasadena build the float for the rose parade has been put up. Chain book stores have put up 2003 calendar displays. There are still a couple of weeks left of summer and it will still be hot here in Southern California for months yet, but winter and the new year are looming on the horizon.
I know the standard reasons for the perception of time speeding up as you get older, percentages of your life and all that, but this year seems to have sped by quicker than ever. I�m hoping that I could slow it all down a bit so I can find some time to enjoy it more.
a third mention of Gay weddings:
John and I have not had a commitment ceremony. We did however, throw a big party in our back yard to celebrate our tenth anniversary a couple years back. Our friends and (John's) family came, music was played, food and drink were enjoyed, people had fun, speeches were made on our behalf, and John and I thanked everyone for coming.
It was a public declaration of our love for each other, it was in effect if not fact, our wedding.
We likely spent far less money on our party than the two younger white women in the documentary spent on just one of their wedding dresses, way less than the two cranky white guys spent renting out a drag bar for their pre wedding night party, and maybe even less than the white guys with money spent on their give away gifts for their guests (um, framed photos of themselves??).
Perhaps, not strangely, I most identified with the two women of color who had a backyard wedding. Although, had they been able to, they would have also rented a hotel/restaurant/hall. Just nowhere near as grand/pricey as the other couples.
I was bothered a bit by the amounts of money being spent, but on reflection, I shouldn�t have been. Despite stereotypes that gay and lesbian folks are all extremely liberal/radical, the truth is that the majority of queer folks probably share the exact same politics as the rest of the nation. I believe that the majority probably also want the exact same things as the rest of the nation as well. They want that mortgage, they want those ugly big assed SUVs, they want 2.5 kids, they want that big assed wedding as well.
Straight people have been forking over loads of money for weddings for a long time now. It shouldn�t be surprising to see queer folks do the same.
voice:
I'm losing my voice again. I sound like someone who has been chain smoking for several decades and is suffering from severe laryngitis. When talking to people, some ask if I am sick, some don't mention my voice at all, and a few get angry with me.
This week at work, two men yelled at me for not speaking up, and a woman accused me of feigning a poor telephone connection so that I would not have to help her.
On the other hand, at the pool party, a couple of women told me not to worry, that my voice has a very sexy, husky quality.
Hmm, maybe it�s more than just the hair.
Lazy boys:
A friend of mine recently said that: �Women are way too complicated. We�re sneaky, complex and two faced. Men are so simple, It all boils down to sex or food. Nothing else matters.�
This was her way of telling me that I had it easy in the relationship department. I was struck by the idea that my being gay may in fact be yet another facet of my inherit laziness.
more later,
nico
Music:
Sasha airdrawndagger
Want:
a clue as to what kind of food to bring to a potluck party John and I are going to this afternoon.
Elsewhere:
a different and more genuine take on the gay weddings series.
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