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Stories from a man who fails to meet media expectations of what it means to be gay:
white, frivolous, over sexed yet sexless, shrill, single, stylish, a clown, unimportant, et al.
Lunes 07/28/2003
Liar
Since John and I are redoing the front landscaping, I have decided to put in a lawn. Granted, the front yard is only a couple of feet wide, sits in full baking sun, has very poor soil made up of dried out clay as hard as cement, and has a tendency to be flooded every time it rains because of the slope of the street, but I am not one to turn away from a challenge. I will have a perfect yard.
To get it, I will have to tear out all of the thriving low maintenance plants such as the towering upright rosemary and the lavenders, which have gotten so large that the city has cited us for blocking street access, and good riddance! After all, a man�s virility is not revealed by the size and expense of his SUV, but by the ever lasting green of his lawn. All my xeroscaped front yard did was show that some plants do well being ignored and getting watered on a semi-monthly basis. Hardly proof of my superiority over nature.
Once the smelly plants are gone, I will then have to dig out and cart away all of the old dirt, pay for and bring loads of new soil, buy the best sod money can get, then water, fertilize, and fumigate as much as possible for the rest of my life. It�ll be pricey, but my manhood demands nothing less.
In fact, why stop with just the front? Sure the back yard is a slope that tends to average 45 degrees at its most level, but who cares, I can cover it with sod as well. All the plants and trees will need to be gotten rid of to achieve it, but achieve it I will. Cutting the grass with a proper lawnmower will be difficult, but not impossible. I�m sure I can figure out a way of using ropes and pulleys to lower and raise the lawnmower and prevent it from sliding down the hill. I�ll be riding at an odd angle, but I�ll be there, riding along, sitting proud like a king on a throne as I ensure every blade of grass is cut to uniform perfection.
It�ll be great, a rolling green sea of unending, unvarying, uniformity free of bugs, insects, birds and animals.
I can see it now. It will be perfect.
<<hygienically challenged::::a weeks worth of lies, day two>>