Stories from a man who fails to meet media expectations of what it means to be gay:
white, frivolous, over sexed yet sexless, shrill, single, stylish, a clown, unimportant, et al.

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Tony

I have never posted a dream entry because I believe that dreams are usually far more interesting to the person who had them, then they are to anyone else. They also tend to require a lot of explaining.

Well, this is a dream entry, sort of. More accurately, the entry only involves one scene from one dream.

In my dream, I was working at a desk in a largely empty room when Tony walked in. He had been out running and was using his t-shirt to mop up sweat from his chest. He sat on the desk, laughing and flirting playfully.

The image was so shocking that I woke up.

It was not shocking that in the dream I had never met John and my life had gone in a drastically different direction. It was not shocking that Tony and I were enjoying teasing each other. What startled me so was Tony himself. He was healthy.

The dream Tony had never been hospitalized. He did not go blind in one eye from complications due to medication. He does not have scars on his body from the various times it was necessary to put in shunts and different tubes.

The dream Tony does not have get up in the middle of the night to take one pill and he does not have to postpone eating when he wants to because another demands an empty stomach. He is not a slave to the schedule forced on him by the assorted meds. He does not have to face this for the rest of his life.

The dream Tony did not make one mistake years ago. He did not have unsafe sex with paul when paul told him it that was ok, that he was negative.

The dream Tony did not have his life turned upside down when that turned out to be a lie.

The dream Tony does not have that dammed virus.

He does not have Aids.

It was still dark when I woke up and despite trying, I never did fall back asleep. Instead I lay there in bed holding on to John and cried for a while.

More later

nico

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