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Stories from a man who fails to meet media expectations of what it means to be gay:
white, frivolous, over sexed yet sexless, shrill, single, stylish, a clown, unimportant, et al.
Saturday 03/13/2004
sometimes I trip on how happy we could be...
Driving home from work last Thursday I heard two news reports on the radio. That Chile was on the verge of legalizing divorce, and that the California state supreme court had ordered San Francisco to stop marrying same sex couples. Finding this out at the same time, I�ve been trying to think of a correlation between the two events, although in truth, none exists.
Despite being blasted by the Catholic church as an attack against the sanctity of marriage, allowing divorces may just work to save the institution in Chile. From what I�ve read, marriage rates rates had been dropping, as disallowing the termination of a legal and social contract between two people has had several unintended effects.
Despite whatever ceremonies they may have had to join them, in real life, couples were splitting up and living lives with other partners. Socially, marriage was becoming irrelevant. Legally, it was becoming a mess. Even divorce opponents were decrying situations where a legal spouse would appear at a funeral and lay claim to all of the estate regardless of the deceased's current partner, children, and family. Husbands and wives who hadn�t seen their spouse in decades would swoop in and leave with everything. The person�s partner and any children, lacking any legal rights, would be left with nothing.
Allowing divorce has been controversial, but it recognizes that mistakes are made; that people grow, change and sometimes become incompatible; that people are living so long now, that until death we part has an entirely different meaning than it once did.
Allowing divorce is easier for me to understand than blocking marriages between people who want to accept the benefits and burdens of committing their lives to each other. Gay marriages opponents are hailing the decision as a victory for morality, while advocates are trying to portray this it a small setback against the larger weight of inevitable change.
Getting married as an act of civil disobedience is an amazing idea; not arguing for, not waiting for, but instead going out and merely acting as if you have the same civil rights as anyone else should not be controversial, but apparently it is to a majority of Americans.
It feels as if for every positive thing I hear or read, there�s another poll showing most people think I deserve less than they do, another interview with a religious figure decrying the assault against a sacred institution coupled with the occasional proclamation that I am hell bound, and yet another article or column equating my relationship with John to incest or bestiality.
The argument that people will start to marry their pets if same sex marriage is legalized always gets me. Partially it�s the shear bizarreness of the belief, partially it�s the being raised catholic thing, because from I understand it used to be the church�s opinion that bestiality, while troublesome, is not as bad as homosexuality, because in bestiality, only one soul is sinning/getting dammed as opposed to two.
I can sort of deal with the hate and knowledge that most people would just prefer if I disappeared off the face of the planet. This is old news. Strangely, what has me bothered and depressed is the site of various politicians running around trying to figure out a position that will assure them the most votes. Getting the blues over a politician acting like a politician is ridiculous, but never the less, that is where I am at right now.
It�s the reason that governors, senators, and others are pushing through antigay marriage legislation in states where such marriages are already illegal. It�s the reason that in some states such legislation goes so far as to prevent the recognition of civil unions and domestic partnerships, and removes all rights gay and lesbian couples do, can, or could have.
If the public opinion polls that everyone admits and knows are written to be leading, and thus ultimately reveal nothing about public opinion should suddenly show a nation full of voting, and more importantly money contributing, citizens concerned for and desiring full rights for the gay minority; there would be such a speedy turn around in word and attitude that many politicos would suffer from permanent whiplash.
While such total turnarounds will likely never happen, there has been some changes here and there. The Mr. Terminator Californian governor seems to be in the process of modifying his position and trying to sound moderate on the issue, but I somehow cannot get over his earlier statements (made just before meeting with some conservative republicans) that legalized civil gay marriages would lead to rioting and dead people on the streets.� He also warned that this could lead to other cities taking the law into their own hands and issuing permits for assault rifles and selling drugs.�
It was informative to learn that same sex marriage equals guns and drugs, violence and death, addiction and crime. It�s not a lesson I am soon to forget.
�
John and I had a brief talk about going up to San Francisco and contributing to the fall of civilization by doing the civil marriage thing, but in the end we didn�t. There were a few too many unanswered legal questions, and we had decided to see what was going to happen in court. Well, we have seen what has started and I am wondering if we made the wrong decision about waiting.
Then again, the future may still prove to be positive and there may still be opportunities for us to get that civil marriage if we choose. Maybe.
On the other hand, if we had gotten married and it was ultimately decided that our marriage license was invalid, that our relationship of nearly fourteen years was invalid, that I and all other nonheterosexuals are invalid ...I am not sure how I would have reacted to that.
Regardless, I applaud and congratulate everyone who had taken and everyone who will take control of their government�s recognition of their relationships �into their own hands,� and insisting through action that they are no less than full citizens of this nation.
more later,
nico
oyendo: if I were your girlfriend prince
want: everything
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