Stories from a man who fails to meet media expectations of what it means to be gay:
white, frivolous, over sexed yet sexless, shrill, single, stylish, a clown, unimportant, et al.

<prior or next>

Donald broke up with Body Builder Mark because it had taken over a week for them to have sex and it had not been worth the wait. Breaking up with a man always initiates a specific set of activities for Donald. First an extra long work out, paying extra attention to his arms because his biceps always get him compliments, then an even longer time spent in the steam room, with his eyes closed to keep from getting into trouble, and finally a bitch session over lukewarm moo goo gai pan with his best friend Michael so that he could complain about having yet another attempt at a relationship fail, waving his chopsticks for extra emphasis when necessary.

The work out left him energized, the steam relaxed, but he wasn�t sure if he wanted to call Michael. Lately Michael had taken to calling him a fickle drama queen whenever he would complain about the lack of available single men of quality. He would even recite a long list of Donald�s one-night stands as proof of his wanton ways.

It was unfair of course. It was hardly his fault that so many men were so lacking. Lawyer Mark would not stop talking about his ex-wife, Joe had only hooked up with Donald to prove that he wasn�t racist, Chad kept his eyes closed the entire time they had sex, and Omar had lied about his weight on his online profile, claiming to be a little stocky when he just plain fat.

White Robert refused to kiss, Hispanic Robert giggled like a girl, Skinny Mark was unemployed, Anton had two gold teeth, Richard had a Black man fetish, and George had gone overboard in trimming his pubic hair, shaving it all off as well as most of the rest of his body hair. Sex with hairless George had been novel, but also oddly disturbing.

When teased about these one-night wonders, Donald would counter with a list of his own, his list of one-month men, although he always conveniently forgot to mention why it was exactly that they had only lasted a few weeks.

Tyrone was too rigid when it came to sex, refusing to consider any activity or position other than top; Samuel was unfortunately an unrepentant conservative republican; and Carter had neglected to mention that not only was he married, but that he had no plans to leave his wife.

Marcus was too Black, forgetting that no matter how hard he tried to act the gangsta, he would always be a faggot punk to the real thing; Reggie was not Black enough, cringing whenever Donald would do something �embarrassing� such as admitting in public to liking fried chicken and collard greens; and while sex with Dezi had been amazing, it ultimately wasn�t good enough for Donald to break his rule about not getting involved with men who used crystal.

His main proof of not being a player, of being someone worth settling down with was James. James was a list of one. He had a great body, the sex was good, there was no weird angst over race, and he was a genuinely nice man. After six months he was also an astoundingly boring man. Donald was secretly thankful when James accepted a job offer on the other coast and tearfully ended their relationship, saying that it wasn�t fair for him to expect Donald to wait around for the few times a year he would be able to make it back to the city.

Donald stood in his apartment, phone in hand, thumb on the speed dial for Michael, staring at his reflection in the window, and wondering if he was looking at the face of a shallow man. Thinking about what his best friend�s reaction to this latest failure would be, he moved his thumb one number over.

Nursing a hangover the next morning, after a night of bad pizza and a few too many beers, Donald decided that he didn�t care if he was fickle or not. Fuck anyone, Michael included, if they could not deal with the fact that he was not going to accept any man who was less than he deserved.

<prior or next>

� 2000-2007